Sunday, December 24, 2006

Better Than a Diamond Ring at Least

IN READING THIS POST YOU WAIVE ALL RIGHTS TO SUE ME, WHINE, COMPLAIN, BITCH AND/OR OTHERWISE MOAN AND GRIPE

Understand? Good.

Well I said I was going to give you a gift and here it is;

GWLLF.

Yep, that's it. It's my latest stock investment.

You see, Bradman a while ago was complaining because I didn't tell him about my stock pick of Northwest Airlines when it was trading at 60 cents a share. Now it's at $5 a share or something and I made a tidy profit on it.

And how did I manage this amazing return?

I

Got

LUCKY!!!!!

Skill had nothing to do with it.

Talent had nothing to do with it.

I didn't even bother looking at the financials.

IT WAS ALL LUCK!

I figured it was trading a pennies per share, and thought, "eh, what the heck, I'll gamble $1,000 on it" and by LUCK, it paid off.

The same thing with GWLLF.

YOU ARE PRACTICALLY GUARANTEED TO LOSE ALL YOUR MONEY ON THIS INVESTMENT!!!!

It's a horrible investment.

Only fools would invest in it.

A pox upon you and your family if you are foolish enough to invest in it.

Woe upon the man or woman that parts with their money and invest it in this company.

So don't tell me I didn't warn you.

You are an idiot for investing in GWLLF.

However, there are much worse investments in my opinion than GWLLF. Like Beanie Babies. Children. A degree in philosophy. And a diamond ring. And despite GWLLF practically GUARANTEEING A NEGATIVE RETURN, I'd still rather invest in GWLLF than a diamond ring for a bevy of reasons.

1. From The Economist



GWLLF can make a brand new car for $6,500. GOD BLESS CHEAP CHINESE LABOR. If you thought Toyota was going to give GM and Ford a run for their money, wait till you see what non-unionized Chinese labor can do! Of course the quality of the cars are incredibly poor, but so too was the quality of Daewoo and Hyundai. Now they produce decent quality cars.

2. From Wikipedia.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Wall_Motors

That's right, it's the only privately held auto manufacturer in China right now.

Now, even though the Chinese government at any time could reposses the assets of this firm. At any time the local provincial governors or the town's politcal boss could hit it up on trumped up charges. At any time Great Wall Motors may decide to do something EVEN WORSE and replace their Chinese labor with labor from the UAW, thus guaranteeing their demise. Despite all these possibilities, it is still better than a diamond ring.

For at least with Great Wall Motors there is hope.

There is hope, albeit very little, it will become the next Toyota.

There is hope, albeit very little, that they will increase the quality of their cars putting them on par with Honda, GM, Ford and BMW.

There is hope, albeit very little, that it will turn a profit and cash flow.

However, with a diamond ring there is no hope of a return. There's only the chance the girl you give it to will divorce your ass anyway.

So men, knights, economists and heroes, lend me your ears.

Don't buy your beloved a diamond ring or jewelry of any kind this holiday season.

Buy her hope.

Buy her GWLLF.

18 comments:

Anonymous said...

Diamonds are the currency of socially acceptable prostitution. Diamond companies subtly remind us of this in every one of their commercials, and I have yet to see a woman express a contrary opinion when such a commercial airs.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TlK-e3xsNJs

Diamonds: She'll Pretty Much Have To.

Anonymous said...

I would love to buy this stock. But it does not list in America stock exchange. Any idea how to buy it?

Captain Capitalism said...

Anonymous,

You will lose all your money if you invest in this stock. God will curse your family if you invest in this stock. And people will mock you in the street if you do. But you aren't going to listen to me.

Regardless, here's the ticker symbol, GWLLF.

Anonymous said...

What's better than diamonds, benefits our own economy rather than China's, doesn't require strip mining, child labor, slavery, war lords, terrorism and black market dealing that aid and abbet our enemies?

http://www.adiadiamonds.com/

The finest lab grown diamonds, right here in the good ol' US of A

Captain Capitalism said...

Just saw Blood Diamond last night (GREAT FLICK!), but not that I'm trying to be cynical, but I can totally see some prissy stuck up snobby women looking down on that saying, "pha! It was made in a lab! It's not "natural."

Anonymous said...

Any one who waste money to buy diamonds of any origin (natural or artificial)is purely stupid. Diamond is not much different from coal burning in stove!

Buying stock is market way or capitalistic way of world. Promoting capitalism is charity work for human kind.

Death to nationalism! Death to national socialism (NAZI)!

Anonymous said...

Well I am surprised by all of the comments which stereotype women as being diamond lovers. Some of us actually have brains and recognize the 'gotta have a diamond' myth. Some of us just don't care to flash a rock on our fingers at the envy of our friends. Some of us just want some momento (any stone or perhaps a celtic knot?) from our beau that we can enjoy because it is a gift from him.

Yes, some of us are terribly romantic and would rather have a man shower us with hugs and kisses rather than a hand us a little bit of metal and stone.

So for all you guys that are looking for that kind of girl - try the dancefloor....

Captain Capitalism said...

Ha ha ha ha!!

Mollie,you just made my day.

I've spent the past 10 years on the dance floor, I know ballroom, a bevy of Latin dances, swing dancing and the tango. And I've only met one girl that would have been worth a showing of hugs and kisses. The rest of them were not worth the time I spent learning the skills.

You may be different, but I assure you, the majority of them are not.

adamp said...

Well I agree that diamonds are a total waste of money. I'm going to be buying one, an expensive one, in the near future, but here's my theory. I'm going to marry this girl and spend a lot of money on her for many years. That money spen I'll call my entertainment expense. I'm used to spending a bit too much at the bar occasionally on weekends an way. At the same time, we will eventually have a join checking and savings account. We'll eat at home together rather than me eat fast food. Her income will also pay half of my mortgage. So yes, I'll probably spend 10K on a ring for her, but that's what she wants and given the future ramifications I consider it a good investment. Oh, and on top of all of that (get the 'gag me with a' spoon ready) I love the girl and I'm happy to buy her a present like that. We're both successful so it's not like that money at our age is going to put us in the poor house or effect our retierment.

Anonymous said...

So, the hierarchy of gifts is as follows: diamonds < hugs and kisses < GWLLF stock.

:)

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I'm different. But there ARE others that feel the way I do about jewelry - and they DO spend time on the dancefloor.

So the question is, if there is one girl who is worthy, why AREN'T you showering her with hugs and kisses?

Let me play the part of the Yente; if you like the girl, it's such a waste for you to be looking for someone else. Is the girl available, not married? Then have some khutspe, ask her to dance! Perhaps it is a good match after all.

And the lord knows none of us are getting any younger!

Captain Capitalism said...

Ryan,

yes, that is the hierarchy, but you shoudl fit sex in there somewhere and X Box 360.

Mollie,

Nope, completely botched it with the girl. since then I've carried out a rather thorough study on the dance floor and (not to be pessimistic, just being real with you here) my findings tell me I should work extra hours and play video games.

;)

Anonymous said...

Captain,
Sad- really sad, and you being such a romantic lad. But life is strange, maybe you'll get the fairy tale ending after all.

Good luck with the video games tactic. Bet I could kick your butt at Monkey Ball! Ha!

Frank said...

adamp - "but that's what she wants and given the future ramifications I consider it a good investment"

yep, that's what i did a few weeks ago and in about 6 months time, there's gonna be another $AUD25k to spend on a wedding too... such a waste of money, but ahh well, it's just money...

Then again, a new front pipe and cat to complete my exaust system, new intercooler, new set of shockers, reconditioned engine with upgraded bits etc etc would is what a lot of ladies would consider a waste of money... but not me - i guess you can say my Nissan Skyline is my diamond :)

By the way, all the best for the new year Cap'n!

Captain Capitalism said...

Hey hey!!!

Congrats Frank.

$25,000 Aussie.

Wow, that is a LOT of video games my friend. A LOT of video games.

Best to you guys too. Though 2006 is going to be tough to beat.

Frank said...

Thanks Cap'n :)

"Though 2006 is going to be tough to beat."

That sounds like you're setting yourself up for a challenge :)

Captain Capitalism said...

Thanks guys, yep, 2006 was arguably the best year I had, many thanks to you schmoes, giving me some intelligent conversation I desperately need.

Cpt. C.

Anonymous said...

Always nice to be one of the helpful schmoes instead of the other kind. :)

If you need any help allocating your video game budget in a utility maximizing way, I'm always on hand to help with that and remind you that the marginal utility of video games after the $10,000 mark decreases fairly sharply.

The marginal utility gains from video games are different from, say, women or Voltron, which both get better the more you can hook up. :)

My many thanks to Red vs Blue for teaching me everything I need to know about women:

http://rvb.roosterteeth.com/archive/download.php?id=1212